In Shadow

There are times during the day where a spot - a place - it goes into shadow. That’s it. No more light the rest of the day. You’re in the dark. It’s cold. But there’s hope. If only you reach out and stretch you can still find yourself glowing again.

Life isn’t always peaches and cream. As much as we’d like it to be. Unpleasant thoughts and feelings are a part of each and every one of us. Every body hurts the same. They are part of a story that we have told ourselves over and over again. We have heard it so many times that it must be true.

“There’s no way out.”

“I’m stuck.”

“I don’t have time for this.”

These thoughts are endless. Our muscles tighten. They make us sick.

I’ve started to change my story. Instead of avoiding these thoughts and feelings, I get a little curious. I recognize a thought for what it is: a thought. I take a moment to identify it as pleasant or unpleasant or neutral. Then I move on. Return to what I’m doing and the task in front of me. Another thought might pop right back in - often the same exact one - and the process is repeated. Some thoughts will prove more difficult than others to shake. Especially those that you have told yourself for a long period of your life.

Behind our endless supply of thoughts are basic feelings. While the thoughts may be fine tuned to our own individual story or the newsfeed of the day, the feelings are common among us. We all share them. They include the tough ones like anger, anxiety, fear, sadness, and guilt. If you’re like me, you may have been avoiding them for a long, long time. Justifying them. Telling yourself they will pass when _____ _____ _____ (fill in the blanks).

But they won’t. Not if they continue to be ignored. This will take some patience. This will take some practice. Like any muscle, the brain will strengthen when used. You will create new pathways and new positive stories will emerge that guide your life. There is no timeline for this. There is no rush. You go at your own pace. You are exactly where you need to be right now. Trust that experiences today will take you to new heights in a future tomorrow. Lessons will reveal themselves in due time.

As I became more familiar with this technique of letting go, I began to recognize my physical pain points. They included tightness in my neck and shoulders. Pain in my lower back. Pain in my knee. These and more were in the background of my everyday life. I nearly accepted them as they were. They came and went and were situational. When I sat down my neck and shoulders hurt. When I stood up the pain in my knee became prominent. If it wasn’t one of the above, it was the near constant tightness in my stomach. A never ending cloud of anxiety. It took a while to realize that these were physical representations of feelings that I didn’t want to tackle. Modern medicine wasn’t going to fix these. I was.

I would find myself succumbing to busyness - moving from one task to the next all day long. I couldn’t or didn’t want to sit still. I’d be tense for long periods of the day. When things would die down and be quiet, I’d stick a different screen in front of my face, turn the music loud, take a drug, or stuff my face - anything to kick these feelings further and further down the road. Too often I snapped at my wife or one of the kids. I blamed work. I had to stop the same routine. I began to lean into these feelings without the chatter of the thoughts. Without judgment and without attempting to solve anything. I became a simple observer. An interested bystander of my own being. I place my hand over the back of my neck. I press into my stomach. I feel my heartbeat. I listen to my breath. These help me become aware of and stay with a feeling, allowing it to run its course without trying to do anything about it. When I surrender to a feeling, there is relief. By the end of it, I may be standing up a touch taller. Breathing a bit slower. The pain subsides and I’m more relaxed. An immediate lightness emerges.

Prioritizing mental health has become more routine for me. I treat anxiety and pain as a signal to slow down and take a break for myself - even if for only ten, fifteen, thirty seconds. A quick reset to purge myself of negative thoughts and feelings. There will be a lot of baby steps. Sometimes, and especially in the beginning, you will feel like you aren’t getting anywhere. There will also be moments of breakthrough that will forever change your views about yourself, about a situation, about the world. When you are doing well, keep letting go. There is a backlog of long-ignored thought patterns and stories, and feelings and physical pains that I continue to work on. It’s a process of peeling back the layers. A corner is turned when you realize you are not your thoughts or feelings themselves, and they have less of a stranglehold over you. They are easier to deal with when they inevitably come back up. Underneath it all, there is a lighter, happier, and more joyful version of yourself. Life will naturally improve. Positive thoughts and feelings give you strength. Allow yourself to bring more of them into your life.

The more comfortable you find yourself in the shadows, the brighter the world shines around you. We can begin to choose the pleasant thoughts, embrace positive feelings of joy and happiness, and start writing a whole new chapter of our life.